The hubby and I had brunch with my ex and his fiancee the other day. My son, J, had been visiting my ex for a week for Christmas. It was "the exchange" where we meet up to drop off or pick up J.
I was a nervous wreck. I ordered the wrong croissant, couldn't vocalize what I wanted to order and looked to my hubby for help. He looked at me like I'd lost my mind, but when I explained to him I was kinda freaking out, he graciously stepped in, ordered for me, and took care of things. He is amazing.
I'd met the fiancee before, but only briefly. Now that they were planning on marrying and she would be a permanent fixture in J's life, I had to do the face-to-face. They were the ones who asked us to meet for lunch, so they felt the same way. (I've been told by a therapist it's a good thing to do this for the kids if you and the ex get along well enough and won't end up in a screaming match.)
His fiancee is darling---fun, happy, smart, well-spoken, educated. He got lucky (again) to find such an incredible woman. She loves J and spoke highly of him. J (sitting there beaming) loved it. I was happy too. Nothing warms a mother's heart more than someone praising her child.
As my hubby and I sat across from them talking and (trying) to eat, I looked at my ex. He's happy---happier than I've seen him in years. That's a good thing for him and for J.
Every once in a while I have an epiphany that manifests itself in an auditory way. It's hard to explain, but looking at my ex I heard a really large door clang shut. It was over, really over, for me. I had no further feelings for him (other than hoping he'll be a good dad when J sees him) and our 12 1/2 year marriage together felt light years away, on another planet even. He was a stranger to me sitting there. I would barely recognize or notice him in a crowd and I was relieved.
I looked at my hubby sitting next to me and felt a warmth in my heart for our marriage and love. The feeling you get when someone you care about hugs you is the feeling I get being married to my hubby. He's good. He's strong. He's happy (most of the time). He's smart. He's brave. He's funny. He's sexy. We have an equal partnership in our marriage that I never had before.
My heart was lighter after hearing that door shut. And it all started with brunch.
Corrina Terry 2010
Photo credit: www.rkhooks.net