Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Missing This

Sitting in church last Sunday, with my son on one side and my husband on the other, my mind was drifting. I thought about the coming week, the things we had planned, bills I needed to pay, etc. It's not that I was bored, I was just thinking. I enjoy attending church and find peace and strength to face a busy week there.

I looked down at Josh and something hit me. My ex-husband is missing this. He's missing sitting by Josh in church each week, watching him grow each day, and listening him. He's missing knowing what bugs Josh and what doesn't. He's missing Josh's smile, his laugh, and his jokes. He's missing the Lego building, scooter riding, and cookie dunking. Sure, he's missing out on the bad stuff like colds, homework, laundry, dentist visits, cleaning, cooking, throw-up on the floor, emergency room visits, and parent-teacher conferences, but the good stuff outweighs the bad by far.

Leaning over to Josh I whispered, "T---- is missing this."

Josh looked puzzled and said, "You mean church?"

"No," I answered. "Not just church. He's missing you. He's missing watching you grow up every day. He's missing this!"

Josh gave me a long look. For 10 he's older than his years in many ways. He knew what I was saying, but until he's a father sitting in church with his kids, he won't know what I meant.

I meant that I wouldn't miss out on raising Josh for the world. I meant that I am grateful for every moment of every day with Josh, even the bad days. He was a miracle. According to my doctor it was impossible for me to get pregnant, but I did. Josh was a gift from God. I've never forgotten that. It's unfortunate that someone else did.

I'm amazed at the parents who don't care, feel resentful, or walk out on their kids. (Trust me, I see it every day at school.) How can these parents miss this? One of the greatest joys in my life is being a mom. I wanted to be a mother since I was a little girl.

So given a chance between missing this and Josh? No question. I'd pick Josh every time.


  1. T____'s loss is my gain. I'm not "missing it"!


  2. So true!!!! Josh is lucky to have you there for him every day. :o) Thanks honey!

  3. This is great! Maybe consider sending this off to Segullah; it speaks of divorce in more ways than one!! Nicely done, sis!

  4. Cori, This entry tugs at my heart. It is difficult to share with non parents the love you feel for your kids and how strong it is. My brother recently had a baby under stressful circumstances and watching him be a dad after 42 yrs of not is truly tear provoking. He said to me at Christmas" I get it now. I would do anything for him". It is also difficult to understand how parents walk or give up but I think you and had role models and people in our life that valued family. When you don't have that it is difficult to recreate and pick up as an adult because there are no memories (such as the parent playing the christmas music in your previous story). I have worked with families that have had to leave their children to find work (extreme poverty). They are left with grandparents but the parent is so focused on providing that nurturing takes a back seat. I try not to judge in my work just support. Everyone comes to the table with a different journey. And I do believe the majority are doing the best they can. In my own life Dave and I sit back and smile at the growing our children do everyday physically, emotionally and so on and are amazed and grateful to be a part of it. Thanks for sharing.

  5. Great post!!! It shows your maturity and understanding of the big picture that you feel sorrow for your ex and what he is missing. I'm so glad that life is moving forward for you and so wonderful. I always enjoy reading your posts even when I don't take the time to comment.

  6. Its so nice to see the kind of relationship you have with Josh. It is so important to create a strong bond with them when they are young. My dad wasn't around much in my life and it's only since I've become an adult that we've really gotten to know each other and that I have forgiven him for not caring. I know it kills him to know how much of my life he has missed out on. You are doing an amazing job with Joshua, he is a credit to you. Such a sweet post. Loves.

  7. I don't know how those parents do that either. I ask myself that a lot with my experiences and all I can do is try to make up for what is missing by trusting in God and his plan for me. I love your blog:)